Female-Led Relationships: Are They Healthy?

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Female-Led Relationships: Are They Healthy?

Female Led Relationships - Everything You Need to Know

As far as traditional gender norms go in the nuclear family, men are the breadwinners and dominant force in the relationship, while women are the homemakers and submissive.
But what happens when this dynamic flips on its head?

Enter female-led relationships, which are becoming a popular way for men and women to explore power as partners.

But are FLRs healthy? Surely when one member of the partnership has so much power over the other, there is plenty of opportunity for abuse.
In this article, we investigate FLRs and try to answer the big questions about female-led relationships.

What Is a Female-Led Relationship?

Female-led relationships are typically a relationship dynamic whereby the woman is more dominant than her male counterpart. Some couples gain sexual gratification or enjoyment from this imbalance.

Female-led relationships (FLRs) started as a form of kink or BDSM relationship, usually consisting of a dominant woman and a passive man.

Today, FLRs have extended out of the kink world and indicate all sorts of female-dominant partnerships. It might be that the woman has more control in the bedroom, and in more extreme cases, the woman may control her partner’s finances, the clothes he wears, and the chores he does.

Usually, in FLRs, there is more than simply an imbalance in authority – to differing extents, the woman actively makes the decisions at the agreement of both partners. And typically, but not always, this plays out in their sexual dynamic as well.

Because of this, it is important to lay down a set of rules first and make sure that both parties agree upon every arrangement.

Why Do People Choose an FLR?

Female-led relationships began in the kink community, where the power dynamic was more specific-related to sex. However, this erotic power could sometimes play out in other aspects of life, such as finances or wardrobe. The source of the thrill comes from the inversion of societal norms – where males have traditionally dominated in relationships.

It is becoming more common for couples to earn equal incomes because of increasing equality between genders. However, an FLR might still be appealing to people as a way to explore limits in the relationship, experiment with fantasy, or simply try something new and have fun.

Examples of a Female Led Relationship

Wondering what an FLR would be like? Some examples of different female-led relationships include:

  • The woman is the breadwinner and may make all the financial decisions. This could also include providing an allowance for the man.
  • The woman makes decisions around when and how the couple has sex.
  • Both partners are equal in their everyday lives, but the male is submissive in the bedroom.
  • The woman makes the decisions in the relationship, and the man obeys her requests.
  • It can mean that the woman’s needs – whether sexual or emotional – take precedent. So her thoughts, feelings, needs, and pleasure come first in the relationship.
  • When it comes to chores, the man takes most of the responsibility. If the couple has children, it could also mean that the man does most of the childcare.

Types of Female Led Relationship

The next thing to know is that there are varying types of female-led relationships, which are often broken down into four main categories based on levels of control.

1. Low Control

In low control female-led relationships, the man and woman usually have a pretty balanced relationship. They are likely to share chores and child-caring responsibilities, and both parties are likely to bring in an income. It differs from an atypical relationship in that the woman is likely to earn as much if not more than the man, but decisions are likely to be made together.

2. Mid-Control

In this FLR, there is more emphasis on female dominance, and this typically materializes in the bedroom too. The female will have a higher level of control of the man – from clearer financial control to organizing sex or making important household decisions.

In their sex lives, the man is likely to be submissive. However, the severity of this control system is looser, and it’s likely that the control levels frequently fluctuate.

3. Defined Control

but there is less flexibility in the power structure. Typically, a dynamic has been defined, and it is always followed.

4. Total Control

Total control or extreme control in an FLR is where the female will have total dominance over the man. It will usually extend to every area of life, including:

    • How he dresses
    • How he spends the day
    • How and when the couple has sex
    • His schedule and social life

It is not a power structure that suits most couples.

People have to be extremely careful if engaging in this kind of relationship as it can easily become abusive. Some people would argue that it is not a healthy dynamic. However, as long as the boundaries are clearly set and the arrangement can be reworked art any time, total control can be healthy for the relationship.

5 Important Rules of FLR

A set of rules must be agreed upon by both parties to make sure that the FLR remains healthy. Here are some of the important rules to articulate before beginning an FLR:

1. Keep Dialogues Open

The only way it will work is if you get talking to each other about your feelings, goals, expectations, and boundaries ahead of time.

2. Review The Structure

Keep reviewing the boundaries after they are set to make sure you are both happy.

3. Make Sure It’s Beneficial

Relationships should be fun, as should FLRs. So, one way to check how you both feel is by asking, “Are we still benefiting from this?”

4. Keep It All About You Two

Some people you know might judge you but remember: this is about you and what works for your relationship.

5. Get Help If Required

At the end of the day, help is always there. So, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional if you need help setting the terms for your FLR.

What are Benefits of an Female Led Relationship?

For Women

Some women enjoy being in female-led relationships because it allows them to enjoy a power dynamic which isn’t usually available to them. The dynamic can be as sexually charged for the dominant partner as well as for the submissive partner, so not only does the woman get to make decisions and become an alpha character when she is at home, but this energy and excitement is later transferred into the bedroom.

For those more moderate or low control FLRs, it is often simply an opportunity for the woman to be a little more powerful within her home, taking on more challenges. For some women, this can be liberating.

For Men

Similarly, FLRs are enjoyed by male partners because of the inversion of traditional roles. For these men, it can be enjoyable for someone to tell them what to do and alleviate their responsibilities, particularly when there’s no shame involved.

As a submissive, the man often gets a sexual charge from being told what to do. In more extreme cases, submissives like to be totally subordinated or humiliated. However, in low to moderate FLRs, it is likely that the man will simply gain pleasure from following the directions of the woman.

Overall, these relationships suit men who are tired of societal structures and get a thrill from inverting them.

How Common Are Healthy FLRs?

FLRs are becoming increasingly popular. Now that the roles of men and women are changing, and there is more dialogue in couples about the sexual and emotional needs of both partners, couples are having the confidence to explore new sub/dom roles both in life and in the bedroom.

As we have touched upon, it is not always easy to strike the right balance in female-led relationships and other sub/dom couples. However, it is absolutely possible to have a healthy FLR if both partners follow a set of rules. As couples strive for more fluidity around their sexuality, they also tend to do this consciously and with care.

Is FLR Healthy?

So now that you better understand female-led relationships, the question remains – are they healthy?

The answer is yes, as long as there is a controlled framework and a set of protective rules. Clarity and transparency are key, and both parties need to be on the same page about the control mechanisms.

FLRs have been created for pleasure and enjoyment, so as long as both parties are having fun, they can be incredibly healthy as sexual enjoyment is good for your health, and so is happiness.

The Round-Up

After reading this guide, you should have a clearer understanding of female-led relationships. While you may have associated this power dynamic with the kink community before, you now know that this term can be adapted to your own relationship outside of BDSM. An LTR can have very controlling guidelines or be based on small changes you and your partner agree on.

It’s all about having a relationship with someone who loves you, setting rules in advance, and constantly checking in on each other to make sure that the control structure remains enjoyable. But, they certainly can be healthy, and their increasing popularity is a testament to that.

Please note that the information provided in this article is for educational purposes only and should not substitute professional medical or mental health advice. If you or someone you know is in immediate distress or needs assistance, please reach out to a mental health professional or helpline in your country or state.

About the editor, Harshani Algiriya

I'm a Senior Counsellor with over 15-years of experience as a counsellor supporting clients from diverse cultural backgrounds. I treat Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, PTSD, Grief, Trauma and Parenting issues, with Relationships (marriage and individuals) being a special interest that I have a lot of passion working with. I use a range of treatment modalities based on the presenting issues and often uses them in combination to achieve the best result for my clients. Find out more about Harshani here.

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