The holiday season is suppose d to be fun and merry, but for many of us it’s stressful, inadequate or even sad – often experiencing the “holiday blues”. Expectations from society, family and even ourselves can make us feel like we need to be happy no matter what our circumstances. If you’re feeling out of tune with the festive spirit you’re not alone – and it’s okay to feel this way.
So why do we feel pressured to be festive?
The pressure to be festive isn’t just in our heads – it’s all around us. From cultural norms to social media, several factors make us feel like we need to “fake the cheer” during the holidays.
Cultural and Social Norms
We live in a world surrounded by the “perfect holiday.” Movies, TV shows and ads show us sparkling family dinners, joyful family reunions and laughter-filled celebrations. A Beyond Blue survey found 88% of Australians feel societal pressure to meet holiday expectations. That idealised version of the holidays sets the bar high and it’s easy to feel like you’re not measuring up if your reality doesn’t match.
Even well-meaning friends and colleagues can contribute to the pressure by telling us to “get into the festive spirit” without realising not everyone feels cheerful at this time. This cultural narrative leaves no room for real emotions and many of us feel alone in our struggles.
Family Dynamics
For some, family is the best part of the holidays; for others it’s a source of stress. The season can bring up unresolved conflicts, emotional baggage or feelings of obligation. A Relationships Australia study found 37% of Australians experience increased family tension during the festive season.
Even in supportive families the pressure to participate in traditions or meet expectations – whether hosting the perfect meal or travelling long distances – can be overwhelming. The emotional and logistical burden leaves us feeling more exhausted than exhilarated.
Work Obligations
The holidays don’t just follow us home – they follow us to work. Office parties, Secret Santa and end of year functions can feel like tasks rather than celebrations. For those with social anxiety these events are especially tough.
A Lifeline survey found 45% of employees feel pressured to attend workplace festive events even when it affects their wellbeing. Navigating these dynamics while dealing with year end deadlines can push anyone to the edge.
Social Media Comparison
Scrolling through Instagram or Facebook during the holidays can feel like stepping into a highlight reel of perfect moments. Friends and acquaintances post photos of decorated trees, big meals and smiling families and we feel like we’re missing out – holiday FOMO (fear of missing out).
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics 71% of Australians feel negatively affected by social media comparisons during the holidays. Remember these images are curated not real. But the constant stream of perfection can make us feel inadequate or alone.
Holiday Expectations and Mental Health
Holiday stress doesn’t affect everyone the same way but it can manifest in many ways.
Overcommitting
The pressure to please everyone can lead to overcommitting. You might feel torn between multiple events or feel obligated to say yes to everything even at the expense of your own wellbeing. This creates a state of constant anxiety as you juggle competing demands.
Loneliness
The holidays are about togetherness so for those who are physically or emotionally distant from loved ones the season can feel lonely. Whether you’ve recently lost someone, are estranged from family or don’t have a strong social network the season can feel isolating.
A Lifeline Australia survey found 68% of Australians feel lonelier during the holidays. Younger adults feel this most often so we need more connection during this time.
Reflection and Regret
The end of the year is a time for reflection. For some this means dealing with unmet goals, strained relationships or memories of better times. These reflections can bring up feelings of sadness or inadequacy especially against the backdrop of all the festive cheer. According to a study in The Australian Journal of Psychology acknowledging holiday stress rather than suppressing it improves overall emotional resilience and wellbeing.
How to cope with holiday pressure
The good news is you can take steps to protect your mental health and enjoy the season on your terms. Here’s how:
Set Boundaries
Learning to say no is one of the most powerful tools during the holidays. Saying no to invitations or stepping away from traditions that no longer serve you can conserve your emotional energy.
Example: If a family dinner feels overwhelming you might say, “Thank you for inviting me, but I need some quiet time this year. Let’s catch up after the holidays instead.”
Setting boundaries means you’re not overcommitting or prioritising others expectations over your own wellbeing.
Reframe Expectations
Let go of the idea the holidays need to be perfect. Perfection is an illusion – and chasing it only creates unnecessary stress. Instead focus on what brings you joy – whether that’s a simple meal, time with a close friend or even an evening alone with a good book.
Reframing expectations also means accepting imperfections. The burnt turkey or last minute gift becomes a funny memory rather than a failure.
Limit Social Media
Taking a break from social media can be a relief during the holidays. If scrolling makes you feel down step away.
Replace screen time with activities that ground you – reading, journaling or going for a walk. Remember what you see online is often curated to show only the best bits.
Create Your Own Traditions
You don’t have to follow the crowd. Start your own traditions that reflect your values and preferences.
Example: Host a “pyjama brunch”, take a nature walk or watch your favourite movies. Personalised rituals give you something to look forward to and make the holidays your own.
Be Mindful
Mindfulness techniques can help you stay grounded. Deep breathing exercises, meditation apps or even a few minutes of quiet reflection can make a big difference.
Try this: Sit in a quiet space and focus on your breath for two minutes. When your mind wanders gently bring it back to your breath.
You Get to Decide
The holidays don’t have to fit into a one size fits all. Whether you celebrate with family, friends or on your own the most important thing is to honour what feels right for you. Let go of societal expectations and focus on what brings you peace and joy.
Remember there’s no “right” way to do the holidays. Protect your mental health, set boundaries and create a season that suits you. You are enough just as you are.
